


Just Once

by thearchangelofloki



Series: Tumblr Prompts [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!, Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's
Genre: AU, Angst, Cancer, I am so sorry, M/M, cross posted on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 01:37:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5848879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thearchangelofloki/pseuds/thearchangelofloki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yusei wasn't normally one to keep promises, but this time was different.</p>
<p>From a prompt I was given on tumblr which was 'Just once'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Once

There wasn’t much left that the doctors could do. The illness had been left too long, left untreated and allowed to fester. Had been allowed to grow and take over the one person Yusei thought would never leave him.

It was almost ironic, Yusei thought, Atem was one of the smartest people he knew, yet he’d never thought that the almost constant headaches, the dizzy spells, even the one time he’d panicked because he _couldn’t see_ for a good half hour could even be attributed the anything this bad.

‘ _It’s nothing_ ’ he’s say, ‘ _it’s just a bug, it’ll pass in a few days, I don’t need to go to a doctor_ ’ he’d insist, even when Yusei noticed the lost weight, the nigh on constant vomiting, the way the man he loved started to forgot even the simplest of things.

When Atem collapsed in the middle of town one day, Yusei decided enough was enough.

Of course neither of them were expecting what was wrong.

Neither of them were expecting a brain tumour.

By that point, the doctors said there was nothing they could do to stop it. If they had caught it earlier, then maybe Atem would have had a chance at recovering. As it was, they said it was too large to operate on, and as it was so aggressive, all radiotherapy could do was slow it down it’s growth slightly, maybe give him a few more weeks, but Atem had refused, saying that if he was dying, he’d rather do it with all his hair intact.

At the time, the doctors had given him 6 months. Six months to live, to accomplish everything that he’d wanted to do in his life, for Yusei to accept that he was going to lose the one person that meant so much to him.

Things very quickly took a turn for the worse however.

Not even 3 weeks after the first prediction, Atem had collapsed again, blood pooling around his head, Yusei panicked, couldn’t _breathe_ , because _no_ , it wasn’t meant to happen yet, he didn’t get to say goodbye, there was still so much he needed to say, _this wasn’t happening not yet_ _nonononononononono_ -

Atem didn’t die that day, and Yusei was so grateful he almost collapsed. That gratefulness soon turned to a stone, however, when the doctors that Yusei had grown to hate said that the tumour had become much more aggressive, had grown so much in such a short amount of time. They were baffled, confused, one particularly memorable one was almost mystified by it, a strange fascination that had him muttering under his breath and flicking through papers as he went away, but Yusei had never felt more cold.

The months he had been promised turned into mere days. Days that were to be filled in a dreary hospital that smelt of antiseptic and death, days where Atem would be too weak to stand on his own, be confined to a bed, pumped with drugs to make his final moments more comfortable.

And so it was that Yusei resigned himself to spend the coming days in a stiff chair, thumbs rubbing small circles on the back of once sun kissed hands, talking to his boyfriend with fake cheer in his voice so there was some other sound in the room other than the constant beeping of the heart monitor and the broken coughing that left Atem struggling for breath. He was almost glad, in a morbid way, that Atem hadn’t spoken anymore on his condition, hadn’t said anything with any finality, was still talking like his old self, albeit his voice weaker and raspier. More than anything however, Yusei was glad that neither of them had said goodbye.

He thought he might have broken down then.

He wasn’t ready, didn’t think he really even would be, but that choice had been taken from him, and now all he could do, was watch as the life slowly was drained from the other.

* * *

It was a Tuesday that Yusei knew that it would be Atem’s final day. No one had told him anything, in fact the doctors were almost confident that he’d have another week left, but Yusei could feel it as if the date was a part of himself, was almost as sure of it as he was sure of his own breathing.  

And judging from the look in Atem’s eyes when he walked into his room, Yusei knew that Atem felt it too.

Things were different between them today. On all the other days that Yusei had visited, even though it had been strained for the most part, there was conversation, however now there was only a silence so thick and so suffocating that Yusei almost wondered how he hadn’t choked.

“Yusei.” He looked up from the loose thread he’d been playing with, so deep in his mind that he didn’t notice when his companion had turned to face him, put his fragile hand upon Yusei’s shoulder. Atem looked at him with a gentle smile, but there was something in his eyes that had Yusei worried, had his heart beating faster, because _oh God,_ he didn’t want this, he wasn’t ready, he couldn’t-

“Yusei.” Atem said again, and Yusei forced himself to calm down, to return that gentle smile, even if it didn’t quite reach his eyes. His hands found their way to Atem’s, the one still resting on his shoulder, and pulled it down to the crisp white sheets that weren’t much paler than his skin. If Yusei had the time or the inclination, he’d almost think it funny. Atem loved being in the sun, Yusei couldn’t even recall the amount of times when they would both end up lying in the middle of their backyard, panting and trying to catch their breath, because although Atem was dedicated to any job he had to do, he was also easily distracted whenever Yusei was around, would much prefer spraying his boyfriend with the hose than the garden, even if he knew he would end up chased around the garden and tackled, flat on his back while Yusei loomed over him, kissing the laughter from his lips.

“You know…Well, I think we both know, that today’s it.” Atem’s voice flooded through his ears, pulling Yusei from the memory he’d been stuck in. It was so much weaker than he ever remembered it being, much too laboured from the breaths Atem would have to take every few words, but Yusei had never been so captivated by it.

“I think it’s time, well, soon anyway.”

“No.”

“Yusei, please-”

“ _No!_ ”

“Please, would you listen to me?”

Silence met his words.

“I know, this is hard, but if I don’t say this, I don’t think, I’m going to get another chance.”

Yusei looked down, the loose grip he had on Atem’s hand tightening slightly. He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes, could feel the moisture running down his cheeks, but he knew he had to listen to this. Knew he’d regret it if he didn’t.

“You know, I think I, loved you, from the moment I saw you. You were like, nothing I’d ever seen before, and I knew, that you were, going to be, the only one for me.” Yusei looked up then, and he almost wished he hadn’t, because he could see the tear tracks running down his boyfriend’s face. He looked horrible, but then again, Yusei was sure he looked the same.

Atem smiled then, a real one, a grin so big and so bright that Yusei almost thought he was looking at the Sun.

“I don’t regret it, you know? I don’t regret, anything. I wouldn’t trade it, either. Even if it meant, I could live, I wouldn’t, because it, would mean I’d have to, live in a world, without you.”

Yusei felt more than saw the hand he was gripping squeeze back a little, and he flashed his own little watery smile. He didn’t know how Atem was smiling, didn’t know how he wasn’t a mess of tears and sobs, in fact, he wasn’t sure how he himself wasn’t like that as well, but there was no time to give it any more than a passing thought.

Atem was looking at him again, “You love me too, don’t you?”

Yusei could only nod, grip Atem’s hand tighter.

“Then please, I need you to, go now. I don’t, I don’t want you, to see this.”

Yusei couldn’t think for a moment, didn’t do anything while the weight of Atem’s words set in. When they did, Yusei could almost feel his heart drop, and when he looked back up to Atem, his boyfriend only gave a sad smile.

Yusei only had one thought. A constant stream of only a few words, stuck in the forefront of his mind. _This was real. This was happening._

“No! I’m not leaving you! How could you ask that of me? I’m not leaving you! I need to be here when you…when you…”

“Yusei please, _just once_ , do this for me,” a wider grin then found itself on Atem’s face, and despite himself, Yusei couldn’t help the small upwards tug of his lips, “I promise, this will be, the last thing, I ask of you.”

Yusei looked down again, didn’t look up even when the hand he had a grip on pulled itself away and found itself back on Yusei’s shoulder.

“Please?”

For a moment, Yusei didn’t move, and Yusei could almost hear Atem preparing himself for a protest, but… This is what he wanted. This is what _Atem_ wanted.

And who was he to refuse that?

So, with a jerky nod, Yusei moved to stand up, the only sounds between the scraping of the plastic chair against the ground and the beeping on the heart monitor. Yusei nodded again, more to himself than to Atem, but kept his head down. He didn’t want to look at Atem’s face again, didn’t want to know what sort of expression was on it. Keeping his head down, he began to walk.

“Yusei?”

He stopped at the threshold, if he looked down the hallway he could see nurses walking down, mothers and children happily talking and giggling amongst themselves, none of them aware of what was soon to transpire in this room.

“Live for me, okay?”

Yusei nodded, couldn’t bear to turn around, or even wait for a response, and quickly walked out the door, suddenly needing to out of the hospital, needing to breathe air that was contaminated with that of a dying man’s, for Yusei was sure he would run back into the room if he stayed.

He made it 10 metres away from the building before he collapsed on the sidewalk, tears clouding his vision. He didn’t know if it had already happened, or if it was happening right now, or it would happen at some stage later tonight, when his last breath would be one of peace as he passed in his sleep. He did know however, that he couldn’t go back. He would keep his promise.

Just this once.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really fucking sorry


End file.
